Relationship with Food vs. Relationships with People

This post was inspired by a comment I left on this fabulous blog!

 

A therapist once told me, “Your relationship with food mimics your relationship with people.”

 

It was something I’ve never thought of before but after pondering it for a while, it all clicked.

 

In relationships (romantic or friendly), I am often needy.  I always seek attention, and I strive to be praised.  Attention is my anti-drug.  If I’m feeling “bingey”, the smallest compliment from a friend or family member will turn my frown upside down.  They validate my existence as a human being in a way.  However, if I feel like I’m not getting enough attention, I begin to think I’m not good enough, that something’s wrong with me, and I eventually end up a little depressed.  So, why do I require so much attention? Why can’t I feel comfortable in my own skin?

 

As a straight A student all my life, it’s amazing how much praise I’ve received from teachers, family, and friends.  This boosted my practically non-existent self confidence. It’s all the attention I could ever ask for.  More on that later.

 

 

All my life, I have been known as “the nice one.”  I’m viewed as smart, sweet, a bit shy but always smiling.  Sometimes I am too nice and people take advantage of that.  However, I am non-confrontational and hate being involved in drama.  Basically, I just want people to like me! I know I have to draw the line somewhere between being nice and being a doormat, but it’s challenging for me.

 

Another thing is that I have a hard time letting go.  I’ve remained “friends” with high school classmates just because we’ve known each other for so long I feel obliged to be their friend.  But some of these friends are toxic.  By toxic, I mean they gossip mercilessly, lie incessantly, associate with “iffy” crowds, and use others for their own satisfaction.  Don’t get me wrong…they can be wonderful, fun, understanding, and reliable friends!  But… deep down in my heart, I feel they are just not the right crowd I should be friends with. 

 

Will there ever be a “right” crowd?

 

I have a hard time making friends.  My shyness holds me back from approaching people. Once I do work up the courage to approach people, my trust issues hinder me from cultivating long lasting friendships.  Sometimes I feel like I don’t “fit in” with any one crowd.  It’s almost like I don’t know my own identity.  Who am I, really??!?!  I’ve listened for so long about who I “should” be and who I “could” be that I haven’t had time to think about who I be! (Haha, I just had to write it like that.)  Well, this is certainly an area that needs more exploring…

 

Lastly, I am a very anxious person and always rush through things.   In this post, I discussed my procrastination issues and ways I overcome them.  I am a natural procrastinator, obviously.  I wait ’til the very last 60 seconds and then all hell breaks out!  I want everything to come out so, so painstakingly perfect that the task seems daunting and I end up too scared to attempt to accomplish anything. 

 

So, I bet you’re dying to know…..how does all this mimic my relationship with food?????

 

Stay tuned for Part 2: Relationship with Food vs. Relationships with People!  😀

 

What are your relationships/friendships like? 

Do they mimic your relationship with food?

Have you ever had an identity crisis?

 

xoxo, Jewels

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November 28, 2009. Uncategorized.

5 Comments

  1. Mish replied:

    It’s totally true. I have lived my whole life wanting to make others happy. Needing validation for every decision that I make. I still need that all the time.

    I actually walked upstairs, after you left your comment, and said to myself ‘You are filled by’ and listed all of the positive things that I can do and have in my life that fill me. It felt so good.

    I find that many times with my blog, I get obsessed with the number of readers I have per day and don’t feel validated unless that number is growing.

    I think it gets to what you’re saying..finding fulfillment within ourselves. It’s something that I am going to work on…and it’s going to be a focus for myself. I have written how I have gotten over binge eating and lost weight..but I haven’t really let my heart believe the beauty of it..of honestly letting go of binging.

    Now I am on that path. Thank you so much!

    • findingthejewels replied:

      I love that “You are filled by..” exercise. I tried it too and realized how fortunate I am to have so many things to “fill” me. I also understand your obsession with numbers. It’s good to have a goal number of readers, but sometimes it’s just out of your hands. You have a wonderful blog and as more people find out about it, I’m sure your numbers will keep increasing… don’t worry! 🙂

      You’ve come so far. Believe the beauty of it, girl. It’s happening!

      Thanks!!! 😀

  2. shell625 replied:

    i think they do kind of mimic my relationships with food because i like them very structured, just like i like my food.

    xoxo
    shelley
    http://findinghappinessandhealth.wordpress.com

    • findingthejewels replied:

      Good point, Shelley. I used to be the same way. Structured, rigid and not very flexible….. If something was planned (meal or a social event), then that’s what I was going to do. It filled me with anxiety if plans changed or unplanned food situations popped up.

      I learned it’s better (for my sanity) if I just roll with the punches. I try to be more spontaneous. It’s difficult but worth it.

  3. Part 2: Relationship with Food vs. Relationships with People « Finding Jewels replied:

    […] Part 2: Relationship with Food vs. Relationships with People Missed Part 1? […]

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