Missed Part 1?
In Part 1, I described how a therapist once told me, “Your relationship with food mimics your relationship with people.” I then discussed my relationships with people. To sum it up, I explained that I am needy, attention-seeking, an overachiever, not trusting, too nice, shy and anxious.
How does all this relate to food?!?! Let’s begin.
- Emotionally and physically needy and attention-seeking
A majority of the time, I eat to the point past “fullness.” Since I count calories, it is a struggle to “eat until satisfied” because well, I can eat more…according to Mr. Calorie King! When I used to binge frequently, I would stuff myself so much to the point of physical pain. I feared that I wouldn’t get a chance to eat those foods again since they were on my “forbidden” list at the time. After incorporating my forbidden foods slowly back into my diet, I notice the bingeing has occurred far less often.
Secondly, I use food as a tool to get me praise. I bake vegan cupcakes and bring them to parties and family functions. I am on my toes until someone tries one. I always expect that they’ll hate them and that I should give up baking. Usually, someone will say, “these cupcakes are great!” After that, all is right in my world. Even when I cook a meal for my boyfriend, I anxiously seek that praise and attention from him as well.
When someone does criticize a dish, I do not take it well… AT ALL. I turn it into a personal issue and begin to think they have a problem with me!! Silly, right? I’m very sensitive, and I know I should not take these things to heart. I guess it’s because I pour myself into everything I do, so when someone rejects something I create, I feel like they are rejecting me. Something to work on…
I always need a stamp of approval to show that I’m needed and loved. Food gives me that exact feeling of comfort. When I’m emotional eating, food lifts my mood (for the moment) and I feel soothed.
What We Can Learn From This:
- Love yourself so that other people can love you. We can’t expect everyone else to “fill our emotional tanks” so to speak. Neediness is an outcome of low self-esteem. You might be looking for someone to make you feel better about yourself, but the fact is that you are the only person who can really do that. You shouldn’t base your happiness on someone else. Sure, it’s okay for someone to make you happy, but if they’re your only source of happiness, it’s unhealthy. We need to find fulfillment within ourselves. Happiness is something YOU create!
- Slow down! It can be nerve-wracking not knowing how a certain connection is going to unfold, but it’s also exciting. Be patient and learn to savor that excitement. Don’t try and push the relationship/friendship into a stage that it’s not ready for.
- Start doing things by yourself until you feel confident. This may seem daunting to those who rely on human contact to get them through an hour. Read a book, go for a walk, and be with your own thoughts. Figure out what you like and want to do. Learn to say no, and practice boundaries.
- Learn to trust. Once you sort out what’s going on inside, you can deal with any issues you might have in relating to other people. Neediness is often associated with a shortage of trust, and sometimes a fear of abandonment. When you find yourself doubting someone’s feelings for you, or their loyalty, ask yourself why you don’t trust them. Is it because they did something questionable? Or is it because someone in your past hurt you, and now you think this new person is going to do the same thing? If it’s the latter, then remind yourself that it’s not really fair to judge one person by another person’s actions, is it? If you really care for this person, and they’ve earned your trust, give it to them.
Are you needy? Why do you think you are? Have you tried to change?
Does your neediness mimic your relationship with food?
Get ready for Part 3 of Relationship with Food vs. Relationships with People, where I’ll explore more areas of my food/people relationship.
Thanks for reading! It’s been fun. 😀
“Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you. “ ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
This post was inspired by a comment I left on this fabulous blog!
A therapist once told me, “Your relationship with food mimics your relationship with people.”
It was something I’ve never thought of before but after pondering it for a while, it all clicked.
In relationships (romantic or friendly), I am often needy. I always seek attention, and I strive to be praised. Attention is my anti-drug. If I’m feeling “bingey”, the smallest compliment from a friend or family member will turn my frown upside down. They validate my existence as a human being in a way. However, if I feel like I’m not getting enough attention, I begin to think I’m not good enough, that something’s wrong with me, and I eventually end up a little depressed. So, why do I require so much attention? Why can’t I feel comfortable in my own skin?
As a straight A student all my life, it’s amazing how much praise I’ve received from teachers, family, and friends. This boosted my practically non-existent self confidence. It’s all the attention I could ever ask for. More on that later.
All my life, I have been known as “the nice one.” I’m viewed as smart, sweet, a bit shy but always smiling. Sometimes I am too nice and people take advantage of that. However, I am non-confrontational and hate being involved in drama. Basically, I just want people to like me! I know I have to draw the line somewhere between being nice and being a doormat, but it’s challenging for me.
Another thing is that I have a hard time letting go. I’ve remained “friends” with high school classmates just because we’ve known each other for so long I feel obliged to be their friend. But some of these friends are toxic. By toxic, I mean they gossip mercilessly, lie incessantly, associate with “iffy” crowds, and use others for their own satisfaction. Don’t get me wrong…they can be wonderful, fun, understanding, and reliable friends! But… deep down in my heart, I feel they are just not the right crowd I should be friends with.
Will there ever be a “right” crowd?
I have a hard time making friends. My shyness holds me back from approaching people. Once I do work up the courage to approach people, my trust issues hinder me from cultivating long lasting friendships. Sometimes I feel like I don’t “fit in” with any one crowd. It’s almost like I don’t know my own identity. Who am I, really??!?! I’ve listened for so long about who I “should” be and who I “could” be that I haven’t had time to think about who I be! (Haha, I just had to write it like that.) Well, this is certainly an area that needs more exploring…
Lastly, I am a very anxious person and always rush through things. In this post, I discussed my procrastination issues and ways I overcome them. I am a natural procrastinator, obviously. I wait ’til the very last 60 seconds and then all hell breaks out! I want everything to come out so, so painstakingly perfect that the task seems daunting and I end up too scared to attempt to accomplish anything.
So, I bet you’re dying to know…..how does all this mimic my relationship with food?????
Stay tuned for Part 2: Relationship with Food vs. Relationships with People! 😀
What are your relationships/friendships like?
Do they mimic your relationship with food?
Have you ever had an identity crisis?
As you may or may not know, I used to be an overexerciser and calorie obsessed dieter.
Well, I’m still calorie obsessed but am in no way dieting right now. I don’t want to get into that “restriction mentality.”
Honestly, I want to lose weight. I don’t want to be as unhealthily thin as I once was, but I do want to be healthier and drop some pounds.
It’s really a battle for me. I want to allow myself any food that I’m craving and not become a victim of food restriction again. But that’s what helped me lose weight in the first place! When I ate 1200-1400 calories a day, I lost weight steadily and speedily.
I guess that’s my problem. I want the fast results I’m used to getting. Now that I’m eating more than that and exercising 3x week (when I used to do 6-7x week for 1+ hours), I’m certainly not losing pounds fast like I used to.
Granted, if I exercised more, I’d see results quicker. I use this excuse…”If I exercise too much, then I’ll end up a chronic overexerciser again.” I mean, one hour or more a day of exercise every day of the week is definitely possible and even healthy for some people. For me, it meant ditching friends and family in favor of working out. It meant not listening to my body when it was tired. It also meant I HAD to burn 600 calories before leaving the gym. I focused soo much on calories. It became an obsession.
It boggles my mind that I’ve been toying with the notion of doing it all over again (ie, restricting calories and overexercising).
I have to be patient. Progress comes slowly. Make small goals.
My goal for the following week is to exercise 4 days instead of 3. Baby steps, right?
You may be able to tell that I have trouble with balance. It’s either all or nothing.
What does balance mean to you? How do you achieve balance?
What kind of goals do you set for yourself?
There’s something that’s been irking me lately. I must get it off my chest!
My habit of counting calories.
For over 3 years I have logged (mentally or on paper) my daily calorie intake.
That french fry I stole from my boyfriend’s plate…yup, I logged that. The single Hershey’s Kiss I savored for a good minute, yes…that too. The handful of grapes, the 3 tortilla chips, the WHOLE bag of pretzels…YES YES YES!
Don’t get me wrong…Counting calories can be very beneficial if used as a tool, not as a coping mechanism. It taught me portion sizes and helped me lose weight in the past. But that’s where the benefits end and the trouble begins…(for me, at least)……
The biggest problem I have is not truly listening to my body. I give it more food than it wants/needs, just because I haven’t reached my calorie limit for the day. I don’t give it enough food when it’s truly hungry for it just because I don’t want to go above my calorie limit.
I let calories command my body when it should be the other way around.
On a positive note, I used to be alot more restrictive. I would ONLY eat meals which I knew the exact calorie count of. I wouldn’t allow myself any of my favorite treats. It was a rigid, miserable life. My mind was overwhelmed with calories, calories, calories. I couldn’t enjoy eating out with family and friends because my anxiety levels would skyrocket.
My mind raced with thoughts like, “Are they going to forget to put the dressing on the side?” or… “I hope they don’t use too much oil in my meal.” I’d even think, “Although the nutrition information is posted, is it true? Will they serve me a bigger portion… meaning more calories than I can’t have?”
The days I’d go over my calorie budget, I’d freak out. I’d try to eat less the next day to make up for it. Sometimes, I felt so deprived and defeated that I would anxiously overeat on that following day as well. My racing, illogical thoughts were getting the best of me. This led to a horrible cycle of binge, restrict, repeat.
I didn’t eat what I was craving (still don’t sometimes), I would overeat to compensate not getting what I really wanted. I’d chew sugar free gum (still do this), snack on 100 calorie packs (not anymore), and even weigh apples on a food scale (not anymore) . It’s really is a lose-lose situation.
I always say I’d like to stop counting. It seems like such a daunting task because the times that I have tried it, I go on a free-for-all. I know I can do it and that it’s all in MY MIND. My mind tells me that my body is not to be trusted. I haven’t really put forth the effort to really tune in to what my body is telling me. Sometimes it just needs a nap or a hug and I replace that with cereal and milk.
There are so many successful bloggers who have overcome their calorie counting habits, which is inspirational. At this point, the counting has become almost subconscious that sometimes I don’t even realize I’m calculating a meal in my head like a mad scientist.
It is my in my nature to be meticulous. I have perfectionist tendencies all the way.
For me, things are black or white. I have trouble seeing the gray.
I know I can’t go through life this way…
Did you know that orangutans are being killed to make your Halloween candy?!?!?!?
I was shocked!!!! Some of you keep up with the orangutan news so you may already know this.
Palm oil, used in lots of popular candy, is produced by destroying the rainforest where orangutans, Sumatran tigers, and rhinos live. Well, needless to say, it’s very UNNECESSARY!
If we don’t stop destroying the Borneo (South East Asia) and Sumatra (western Indonesia) rainforests, in less than a decade, orangutans will be extinct. 😦 How sad. They are so adorable and innocent!
What YOU Can Do:
– Sit there and consume more candy. You don’t like orangutans anyway. (BOO! to this option)
– Contact your favorite candy companies and ask them to use sustainable palm oil or other oils which do not harm the rainforest. (Yes! Great idea!!!)
On another note, palm oil production in Borneo and Sumatra also produces green house gases at a rate third only to the US and China.
I know what you’re thinking…”I WANT CANDY WITHOUT PALM OIL!”
Well, my dear bloggies, you will be pleased to know that the following treats do not have palm oil:
Reese’s, Whoppers, M & Ms, Tootsie Rolls and Tootsie Roll Pops, Junior Mints, Blow Pop, Teddy Grahams, Kisses, Yorks, Mounds Bars.
(Disclaimer: Enjoy responsibly.)
Company Contact Information:
- Hershey’s (Hersheys.com) — David J. West, President & CEO
PO Box 810 100 Crystal A Drive Hershey, PA 17033
- Mars (Mars.com) — Paul S. Michaels, President & CEO
6885 Elm Street McLean, VA 22101
- Nestle USA (NestleUSA.com) — Timm F. Crull, President & CEO
800 North Brand Blvd. Glendale, CA 91203
I am going to work on writing my letter and will mail it out by the end of the week! Who’s with me?!
For more information on palm oil production’s dangers and what we can do about it, here are some helpful web sites:
Watch a video showing what palm oil production does to orangutan habitat.
Message brought to you by KOOL (Kids Orangutan Outreach League)
So, will you voice your opinion? What do you think about this situation? Did you already know?
What will you write to the companies?
Share this on your blog. Do it for the orangutans!
How is everybody doing??? My old co-worker gave birth to a beautiful baby girl yesterday! Here she is at 6lbs 12 oz:
(Excuse the poor image quality. I took it with my BlackBerry without flash!)
Isn’t she precious!!?? What a blessing.
As promised, here are some fabulous tips on beating procrastination!!
I sometimes struggle with time management. I leave big, overwhelming projects to the last minute and FREAK OUT when I realize how much work I have to do in so little time. It creates so much avoidable anxiety.
When I was an undergraduate, studying for exams was the worst! I wouldn’t allot enough time for study sessions, stay up terribly late, wake up at an ungodly hour, and intensely overcaffeinate myself. Tired + Stressed Jewels = Cranky + Snacky Jewels! Not good!!
Now that I’m a soon to be graduate student, I have been working on beating my procrastination. Although I just received the school’s request for immunization records and proof of NYS residency on Monday, I already got everything squared away today! It’s a good feeling to scratch things off my To Do List.
One of the most important things you can do for yourself is to get organized. Make lists, take a class in organization, or purchase an organizer. Do whatever works for you.
- Make a list of what needs to get done. Just writing/typing it out will surely reduce some stress. I keep my To Do List saved on my BlackBerry so when the urge strikes, I whip it out and type tasks right in.
- Prioritize these. You might want to make deadlines. Having deadlines may encourage you to work harder and more diligently since you know you have to get it completed. On the other hand, some people don’t work as well under pressure so they have to make sure they aren’t putting things off and doing things last minute when deadlines are a factor.
- Use a calendar. I personally use my BlackBerry to keep all my dates in order. (I swear I’m not working for BlackBerry, LOL) You may wish to use a bound notebook and write in dates as you go. Post-Its might also work for you. Make sure to separate short term commitments from long term ones to help you focus.
- Divide large tasks it into smaller tasks. Let’s say I had to study 12 chapters for a final exam. I would break it down to 1-2 chapters a day and make a good outline of each chapter, highlighting the key points. My outlines helped me significantly! Outlines can be written or typed up and are so much more portable than a big textbook or notebook.
Sometimes, big projects are just too overwhelming to handle all at once. Spread out smaller tasks over a period of time. Write this in your calendar with specific dates for accomplishing each. Include your deadline for completion of this task on your calendar as well.
- Be careful to not overbook yourself and allow plenty of time for delays. This is CRUCIAL! Assume that there’s always going to be some kind of setback, whether it is minor or major. Allotting time for said setbacks could save you from missing deadlines. Even if there are no setbacks, you will finish project before deadline and may have enough time for a glass of wine! You’ll feel confident that you can accomplish all you need to in the time you have. Relax and work on one item at a time without feeling you have to do it all at once.
So, what are YOUR beat procrastination tips??
Do you prefer paper and pen to jot down your To Do List and add notes to your Calendar?
Today’s post is very appropriate as Fat Talk Free Week is coming to a close. Check out the video—it has a wonderful message.
It’s about JUDGMENT.
Let’s face it. We judge. Not only others, but we judge ourselves as well. These are some of the ways I judge:
“Wow, that woman really shouldn’t be wearing such a revealing, tight blouse.”
“Oh, my God! I’m so fat that I can’t even zip up these pants anymore!”
“They are too conceited and obnoxious. Who do they think they are?”
“If only I was more ambitious, I could be making more money right now.”
As you can see, most of these judgments are negative and are putting someone down. Honestly, I do see myself as a positive and optimistic person. But when I think about all the negative judgments that go through my head in a day, it makes me second guess myself.
Well, I’m here to tell you that it’s all about to change!!!
Nothing will stop a judgment but the AWARENESS that it is indeed a judgment. In Geneen Roth’s book Breaking Free from Compulsive Eating, she states, “When I tell myself I’m fat, my response is to eat more, not less.” How true is this? Negative thoughts only bring on more negative behavior.
Judgments alone do not lead to change. Change can only happen if we actively participate in our lives. The process of mentally, emotionally, and physically joining ourselves on this journey will create awareness.
We have to learn HOW to work with our judgments so that we don’t continually live in REACTION to them.
TRY THIS! Write a list of negative judgments that you have. Then for every judgment, write a positive counter judgment.
For example, here’s my list:
Just writing it out is very therapeutic. Try to challenge your judgments with your counter judgments anytime you feel the urge to judge.
Instead of living passively in reaction to our judgments, it is time for us to take control and have a positive attitude. You can train your mind to think positively. After a while, it will be natural. A positive attitude causes a CHAIN REACTION of positive thoughts, events, and outcomes. It is a CATALYST…a spark that creates extraordinary results!
Do you have awareness when you judge? Have you tried the “Judgment—Counter Judgment list”? Did it work for you?